


I Wish I were Patton

by genderqueer_turtle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Roman Angst, haha angst make brain go screeeeee, no happy ending, sorta love triangle? it's complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27007429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genderqueer_turtle/pseuds/genderqueer_turtle
Summary: Roman thinks he loves Janus, and Janus might love him back. But everybody is telling him that Janus is the villain, so why is it that when Roman acts like it, he's the one in the wrong?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	I Wish I were Patton

“Oh you know I love you.” The words left Deceit's mouth, cutting straight through to Roman’s heart. Roman laughed awkwardly, trying to hide his blush. 

“Yeah, totally.” 

The courtroom scene continued around Roman, who was trying to keep it together. Deceit had said that he loved him, but was he lying? No, Roman told himself, Deceit had sworn on a Bible, in a courtroom scenario. Not even Deceit would lie in such a situation. At least, that's what Roman told himself.

It tore Roman apart, choosing the wedding over the callback. A lifetime of work, thrown away. He felt terrible, part of him wished that he could change the decision, take it all back. The look of disappointment that Deceit had given him was enough to make Roman hate everything he had said in that courtroom.

Roman watched from the mindscape as Patton helped Thomas pick out a suit for the wedding. He sensed the other side rise up and turned, expecting to see Logan. But it was Deceit who stood there, watching him.

"How are you my darling Prince?" Janus asked, his voice a strange mix of cold and sweet, making Roman's head spin. He wished that Janus was easy to read.

"As good as I could be I guess." Deceit nodded, thinking for a moment.

"Walk with me." Deceit turned, headed towards the imagination.

"Wh- What?" Deceit rolled his eyes and held out his gloves hand, offering it to Roman.

"Walk with me Roman." Roman grabbed Deceit's hand, letting himself be guided forward.

Deceit didn't say anything as they walked, the two entering the imagination. Roman closed his eyes and brought up the mental image of a snowy field, opening them to see a white landscape.

"Snow, very nice," Deceit commented.

"Why did you bring me here Deceit?"

"You were brooding. I thought the change of scenery might help." Deceit sat down on the ground, patting the snow next to him. Roman sat down, feeling the cold snow against his pants legs. 

Roman shivered, his prince attire wasn't thick enough to protect him for the chill in the air.

"Roman, are you cold? You should have picked something other than a snowy field if that was the case." Roman tried not to smile as Deceit unclasped his cape and wrapped it around Roman's shoulders. It was exactly what Roman had hoped would happen.

"The cape looks good on you, very regal." 

Roman studied Deceit for a moment, looking for a way to tell if he was lying in that moment.

"I'm telling the truth. I am capable of that you know." Roman flushed a bright red almost as vibrant as his sash. The two sat in the snow quietly for a few more minutes.

"Hello Roman!" Patton said, skipping up to the two of them, kicking up snow.

"I thought you were helping Thomas," Roman muttered, disappointed that his 'moment' with Deceit had been ruined.

"I finished! We picked out a lovely suit!" Patton's eyes flickered to Deceit, widening as if he had just noticed the snake man.

"What is Deceit doing here?" 

Deceit stood up so that he was at eye level with Patton.

"Leaving. I am no longer needed here, and clearly I'm not wanted. Roman, I'll be requiring my cape now, I suggest you go somewhere warmer. Or imagine something a bit more appropriate for what you're wearing." Janus walked out of the imagination.

"I didn't exactly want him to leave," Patton mumbled.

"But Patre, I thought you hated him!" Roman said.

"I don't hate him, I think. It's all so confusing…"

Roman watched as Patton thought for a moment. He could pinpoint the exact moment that Patton decided to worry about it later, probably when nobody was around.

"Come on kiddo! Let's go see what the others are up to!" He said, grabbing Roman's hand and dragging him along towards the living room. Though he wouldn't admit it, Roman preferred to be dragged along by Deceit.

* * *

"My name is Janus." 

Roman was in a panic. This whole time, he was struggling with keeping up on who he was supposed to stand for.

The others had made it very clear that Deceit, no Janus, was not to be trusted, even if some of what he said was reasonable. So he did the first thing that came to mind, he laughed. He made a joke, just like he used to do with Virgil. 

But apparently that was the wrong response. Everyone stared at him, Janus glared.

"Oh Roman, thank god you don't have a mustache. Otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn't know who the evil twin is." 

Roman was shocked, angered, hurt. Being called evil, that hurt more than anything, especially coming from Janus.

The others wouldn't defend him, he was left trying to defend himself. He had done exactly what he felt like he was expected to do and he was utterly alone. Finally, he sank out, watching from the mindscape. 

Patton and Janus talked, completely forgetting about Roman. Roman felt a hint of envy, it looked like Janus was flirting with Patton. No, that couldn’t be right. Just a moment ago, they were fighting. But Roman knew what he saw, he was in charge of Thomas’ romantic feelings, he knew what flirting looked like. 

But what about all the flirting that Janus had done with Roman, the moment in the snow? Was it all fake? Roman cursed himself, of course it was all fake, Janus was the self proclaimed Lord of Lies. 

Roman didn’t stay to see what happened next, he ran. To where, he didn’t know, just away. From Thomas? No. From Janus and Patton, he hated them. No, he didn’t hate them, he didn’t know how he felt. He wanted to rip out his hair, maybe break something. Everything was so confusing. Janus hated him, Patton probably hated him. If Virgil and Logan found out what had happened, they’d hate him too. 

Roman found himself next to Virgil’s room when he stopped running. He needed somewhere to go, someone to comfort him before they all found out what he had done, before they all hated him. He hesitantly knocked on Virgil’s door, having to wait only a few seconds before Virgil swung it open. 

Virgil looked panicked, as if the only time someone would knock on his door was if there was an emergency. In Roman’s case, it felt like an emergency, so Virgil’s panic matched his own.

“Princey, what are you doing here?” Virgil asked as Roman pushed in.” 

“I need to hide in here for a minute.” 

“Um, my room isn’t the safest place to stay, especially for a light side. You react negatively, remember.” Roman made a face at Virgil, silently pleading. Virgil sighed and closed the door. 

“What’s wrong Roman?” 

Roman thought for a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts. How much should he tell Virgil? Would Virgil hate him? 

“I wish I were Patton!” He blurted out in a moment of panicked chaos. His hands flew to his mouth, surprised by what he had just said. From the looks of it, Virgil was equally surprised. 

“What? Why would you wish to be Patton? You’re Roman, Thomas’ creativity, his hopes and dreams, a prince! You love that job.” 

“Patton’s just so perfect, or nearly perfect! He could mess up a million times, and people would forgive him. He’s sweet! And he’s good looking too! How am I supposed to compete with that?” 

“Roman, we all have the same face.” 

“That’s besides the point emo!” 

“Um, no offense Roman, but I don’t think I’m the emotional one here. Do you want me to give you some space? Maybe I should send you to someone else’s room, somewhere that isn’t so emotionally stressful.” Virgil played with his sleeves, clearly starting to panic with uncertainty on how to help Roman. 

“He loves him and I just don’t stand a chance. I’m, I’m a failure,” Roman mumbled, quiet enough that Virgil didn’t hear him. 

Virgil jumped back when Roman stood up suddenly and headed for the door. 

“Where are you going?” He asked. Roman paused for a moment, wiping the stream of tears away from his face before reaching for the doorknob. 

“I don’t know. Anywhere I guess? The imagination is a good start.” Virgil didn’t know what to do as Roman walked away, leaving the door wide open as he headed off towards the endless imagination. Within seconds, Roman was gone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody!  
> This was originally supposed to be loosely based off of Heather by Conan Gray. At first glance, you could never tell that it's based off a song but oh well.   
> I wanted to give it a very open ending because I felt like giving it a more fulfilling ending would ruin the effect I'm going for. This is supposed to be centered around Roman's emotions and confusion, and how frustrating and painful that is. So yeah...  
> Someone just give Roman a hug, please. He needs it.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this!  
> Much love and gratitude,   
> Turtle


End file.
